Friendship. I'd say it mostly turns out too complicated for my tastes and character, but still I try desperately to hang on to it, never minding whether my efforts prove successful or not. Let's not fool ourselves, at the end of the day who isn't afraid of loneliness? of staring into the void and wondering why on earth doesn't s/he deserve a share to happiness and to actual,real communication?
I have often found myself struggling to feel the sense
of actually belonging somewhere.It's not the
easiest thing to say you fit in a group without somehow losing
part of your unique identity or doubt whether these people will ever
accept you for who you really are. You may be the type who is
constantly trying to please the others and forget to live and set
yourself as a priority for a change.It's true that you do well up to
a point and you take indeed great pleasure in all this ephemeral
"love" or “attention”you
receive for a while. People see you as a saviour, you feel
indispensable,part of a whole and it's certainly an overwhelming
experience. But then many people are
selfish and they rather sadly tend to have a "short-term"
memory for all the good you've done for them. It's true that they can
get easily spoilt because when they realise the good in you they
automatically learn to always expect it no matter what. They demand
it even when it means you have to set your own needs and wishes
aside,sacrifice them as if you do not deserve them. Many friendships
are based either directly or indirectly on interest as nowadays
people are unconsciously brought up with this principle.
On the other hand it's possible that you actually fit
in at first and then suddenly
time swepts away the
initial excitement.In the end you find
yourself feeling like a fish out of water
and a total stranger for some reason or other. It's a fact that for
those who over analyse things,people,situations, life has many
challenges to offer so you'd better be prepared to take risks and
admit defeat in the process. For the
hopeless romantics-me included- who seek the ideal version of
friendship well....there's no guarantee that we won't face
disappointments or hardships. Between you and me there's most
probably no perfect friend since no one
is perfect. However, we
cannot help hoping to meet someone who is at least a little bit closer
than the others to the ideal picture we have so conveniently created in our head!
